dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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