Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
