booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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