You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
