i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
