Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
