went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
please come you make the beer taste better
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
