I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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