I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
