Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
