I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
