you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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