Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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