I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
