oh god the rape fog is back!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
