I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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