we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
