Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
