I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
