I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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