what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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