forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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