You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
