ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
