***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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