Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
