he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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