Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
