I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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