I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
