ugly people sure do ruin things
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
