He uses pillows to masturbate.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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