So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
