Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
