This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
then he tried to convert me to islam
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
