That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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