Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
