direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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