a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
