i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
