I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
