So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
