I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my shit smells like andre
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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