final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
