I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
a search helicopter?!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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