just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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