Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
