You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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