I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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