He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
