Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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