You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
