I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
