My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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