FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
