I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
BRING THE BAGELS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
