her vagina looked like bernie madoff
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
