dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
