After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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