After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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