Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
