everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
